Breathe Without You Because You're Untouchable
by Dreaming Fantasy Dreams
Summary: How did they feel after the window had closed for ever? Two songfics to show you how I think they might've felt.
1. Untouchable

_**Disclaimer: I don't own HDM, it all belongs to Philip Pullman.**_

This is going to be split into _two _songfics. One for Will and one for Lyra. Because I think they deserve two songs that at least describes what they're going through because their feelings for each other are strong; that I believe. So, this first one is meant to be for Lyra, but I suppose it can be for both of them, because I think it fits. This song is called Untouchable by Taylor Swift. I kind of teared up while writing this, so tell me what you think, yeah? I don't want to put this at the bottom after the songfic because I think it'll break the atmosphere.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Untouchable<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Untouchable,<br>__Like a distant diamond sky.  
><em>_I'm reaching out  
><em>_And I just can't tell you why.  
>I'm caught up in you,<br>I'm caught up in you._

My heart reaches out to you, and I don't know why because I know this is the right thing to do, but my heart does it anyway. But it can't reach yours because it's untouchable, like the sky. I'm caught up in you, and I always have been and always will be.

_Untouchable,  
>Burning brighter than the sun.<br>And when you're close,  
>I feel like coming undone.<em>

You burn brighter than the sun, brighter than anything else I've ever seen, including the witches. Whenever I'm close to you, I feel like coming undone, though I don't know if you've ever noticed. And when you're soon going to be untouchable, back in your own world, I know I won't ever feel like that around anybody else.

_In the middle of the night  
>When I'm in this dream,<br>It's like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name.<em>

Whenever I dream, it's the same dream; the little stars spell out your name across the sky, and I always know what time it is because that bit always happens in the middle of the night; a clock strikes the time.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Little taste of heaven._

And in this same dream, just after the stars spell out your name, you appear and I always call out to you. But nothing happens because that's when I start to realise that you can't hear me and I start crying. Calling and crying for you, and then you slowly turn around, and I'm hoping that you'll say we'll be together. And even though the dream you doesn't say it, I wish it, and even though the dream you don't do anything, it's like a taste of heaven, just a little bit.

_It's half full and  
>I won't wait here all day.<br>I know you're saying  
>That you'd be here anyway.<em>

I'm in the Botanic Garden now, sitting here on our bench. It's half full, there's people walking about, and wherever I look, they're always walking in couples, to me anyway. And I can't sit here all day, even though I'd like to. It just brings back too many memories of you, of _us, _and I would end up breaking down to pieces and start sobbing and crying for something I can't reach anymore. And I know that you said-_promised_-that you'd be here, sitting on the other side of the bench, but it's still not in my world, and it's breaking my heart.

_But you're  
>Untouchable,<br>Burning brighter than the sun.  
>Now that you're close,<br>I feel like coming undone._

But you're still untouchable, and you always will be until we go to the Land of the Dead for the last time, and then, like we promised, our atoms will join together into everything, and when they want to make something new, they can't take one of us, they would have to take two because we'll be joined together so tight and never letting go. And you'll still burn brighter than the sun, you even outshine it. And now that I'm sitting here on our bench, I feel like I'm closer to you because you promised that you'll be sitting here too, and just thinking about it makes me feel like coming undone.

_In the middle of the night  
>When I'm in this dream<br>It's like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name.<em>

And I'm back in this same dream, where nothing changes, nothing new begins, nothing happens out of the usual. And it's breaking my heart, you'll never know how much until I tell you, and that will be years away. And so, here we go again, with the stars spelling out your name, and then I know what will happen next, yet I long to see you, even if it's only in a dream.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on.<em>

And there you are, standing there with your daemon, and you turn to me, and this time, it seems different because you turn to me, smile and open your mouth, and do you know what you said? You said the very words I was longing to hear in this dream; you say that we'll be together. My heart leaps for joy, and this time, when I start crying, it's because I'm so happy, but before I can answer, something happens.

_In the middle of the night,  
>Wake up from this dream.<br>I wanna feel you by my side,  
>Standing next to me.<em>

I woke up from the dream in the middle of the night. I looked around and finally realised where I was; in bed with my daemon, and no one else was there. I drew my knees up, buried my face in my arms and started crying. Just when the dream seemed perfect, I had to wake up! Oh, you'll never know how much I cried that night, I was so overcome by grief and sorrow. I want to feel you here with me, whether you're by my side like you were on our adventures, or standing next to me, just so long as you were _here, _wherever I was. I cried so much, the hardest and longest I've ever cried in my life. And I think that the full realisation that you'll never be here with me until death had finally shattered me into little tiny pieces.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Little taste of heaven._

And while the full realisation of our separation had hit me, and while I was crying, I still remember you in my dream saying that we'll be together, and even though I had woken up from it, it was still like a taste of heaven, even if it was just for that one second.

_I'm caught up in you._

_But you're  
>Untouchable,<br>Burning brigther than the sun.  
>Now that you're close,<br>I feel like coming undone._

I'm caught up in you, and as long as my heart beats, and even when I'm dead, I'll still be caught up in you; that feeling will never die. And you'll still burn brighter than anything else in the universe, even the sun. But as long as I'm alive, every second of my life, I'll feel like coming undone, no matter how close or far apart you are.

_In the middle of the night  
>When I'm in this dream<br>It's like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name<em>

And I'm back in this dream again. Will it ever end? But I'm still hoping that you'll say we'll be together, and I'm hoping even more that this time, I won't wake up before I can give my answer. And this time, when the stars spell out your name, there's a pang in my chest. There's been one every night I've had this dream, but tonight, my chest gave a particular loud one.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Oooohhhh woahhhh_

Yes, it is the same dream as last night's. There you are, and you turn and smile and say those magical words and my heart leaps in my chest and I start crying again.

_In the middle of the night  
>When I'm in this dream<br>It's like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name<em>

But this time, to my joy, I don't wake up, and I can answer you back, but of course, the dream you knew my answer anyway, and you take my hand and we stare up at the stars where they've spelt out your name. Then, to my surprise, the stars spell out my name next to yours; Will + Lyra. And that's when I knew I was going to cherish every memory of you, all the moments and all the times I spent with you, our first meeting, when you saved me from my mother in the cave, our first kiss, our last kiss, and even this dream. Every single moment I'll cherish in my heart for ever.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Come on._

And then we lie on the grass together, our daemons playing around us while we stare at the sky with our names written on it, and our hands are still intertwined. We turn to each other and say 'I love you. Forever and always' at the same time.

_In the middle of the night  
>Wake up from this dream<br>I wanna feel you by my side  
>Standing next to me.<em>

And then I wake up. It doesn't take me as long to realise where I am, but when I do, I start crying again. This time though, it's for a different reason. I cried because I felt so happy to have seen you, even if it was only in a dream and for a little while. And there's still an ache in my heart telling me that I still want you by my side or standing next to me, but it's not as painful as it was before.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Say that we'll be together.<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Little taste of heaven._

And that's when I knew that even though we're far apart, a world away, we'll always be together, in our hearts and in that dream, and we'll be together when our atoms join and we'll never separate. That dream will be my little taste of heaven because that's when you say that we'll be together and the stars write our names in the sky and our daemons are playing happily and we're spending some time together.

_In the middle of the night  
>When I'm in this dream<br>It's like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name<em>

And now this dream comes back to me every night, without fail. And one night, we even kissed in the moonlight, with the stars still twinkling high above us in the letters that forms our names.

_You gotta  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Come on.  
>Oh oh oh woah<em>

_Like a million little stars  
>Spelling out your name.<br>Spelling out your name._

And now the dream even finishes in the same way, without fail. Before I wake up, the last thing I see in the dream is you and your daemon standing in the moonlight, and high above you, in the sky, our names are still written there.


	2. Breathe

_**Disclaimer: I don't own HDM. They all belong to Philip Pullman.**_

This song is for Will, though it can be for both of them again. The song is called Breathe by Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat. In case you's haven't noticed, I'm a Taylor Swift fan. Anyway, I felt like I needed to do this because I needed to get it out of my system, and I didn't like how they ended, so I thought 'lets do a songfic to tell their feelings about having to close the window and never see each other again until they die', and I suppose these two songfics were the products. I kind of teared up while writing this as well.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Breathe<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>I see your face in my mind<br>__As I drive away.  
><em>'_Cause none of us thought  
><em>_It was gonna end that way._

As the window closed, I couldn't help picturing your face; your tear streaked cheeks, and your strained smile that showed the effort needed to keep smiling, but you were beautiful all the same. I just wished that I had realised it earlier so we could've had more time together because none of us had ever thought that it would end like this, not having to see each other ever again until we die.

_People are people and sometimes  
>We change our minds.<br>But it's killing me to see you go  
>After all this time.<em>

Humans will be humans and they always change their minds about who they like and don't like. But we won't ever be like that, will we? Even if we get married and have kids, we'll still love each other. But even so, it's literally killing me inside to see you go back to your world after all the time we spent with each other.

_Mmmmm,  
>Mmmmm,<br>Mmmmm...  
>Mmmmm,<br>Mmmmm,  
>Mmmmm...<em>

_Music starts playing  
>Like the end of a sad movie.<br>It's the kind of ending  
>You don't really wanna see.<em>

And in my head, I can't stop playing a sad tune to go with our separation, because if nothing else, it was like the end of a sad movie I had seen before. If this was a movie, our separation would be the kind of ending that people wouldn't want to really see, because I don't know about you, but it's heartbreaking for me.

_'Cause it's tragedy  
>And it'll only bring you down.<br>Now I don't know  
>What to be without you around.<em>

And if this was a movie, the genre would be tragedy because that's what it is, and it'll only bring people down if they watched it. And now that you'll be closed off for ever until our atoms meet again, I don't know what to be, what to do without you being here with me, because when I was with you, I knew what I had to do; I had to survive, get through the war, save the worlds, but now... now I don't know anymore.

_And we know  
>It's never simple,<br>Never easy.  
>Never a clean break,<br>No one here to save me.  
>You're the only thing I know<br>Like the back of my hand._

And ever since our daemons told us what we had to do, we knew it wasn't going to be simple or easy like they make it out to be in the cinema. It wasn't going to be a clean break. It was far from that. It was heartbreaking, heartwrenching, painful, and there was no one here to save me from it. You were the only thing I knew like the back of my hand; I didn't even know my parents like I knew you.

_And I can't  
>Breathe<br>Without you,  
>But I have to.<br>Breathe  
>Without you,<br>But I have to._

And I can't do anything-sleep, live, even breathe-without you, but I know that I have to because if I die before my time, I will have to wait in the Land of the Dead for years to see you. I don't want my atoms to join nature without you there with me.

_Never wanted this,  
>Never wanna see you hurt.<br>Every little bump in the road  
>I tried to swerve.<em>

I never wanted this, I never wanted to part from you, but we had to separate, and I never wanted to see you hurt so much by this. Every problem that faced us, I tried to swerve, but it was no good. We still had to do it, no matter what, and it hurt me just as much as it hurt you.

_People are people and sometimes  
>It doesn't work out.<br>Nothing we say is gonna save us  
>From the fall out.<em>

Humans are humans, and sometimes, things don't work out between them. And there was nothing we could do or say that would save us from this separation. It was our destiny to meet, save the worlds, fall in love and then separate for the rest of our lives, and yes, it might've been cruel, but it was destiny nonetheless, because we will meet again.

_And we know  
>It's never simple,<br>Never easy.  
>Never a clean break,<br>No one here to save me.  
>You're the only thing I know<br>Like the back of my hand._

We knew it wasn't going to be easy, or simple even. And we now know that things like that is never a clean break, and there's no one to save me-_us_-from it. You were, and still is, the only thing I knew like the back of my hand, and that will never change.

_And I can't  
>Breathe<br>Without you,  
>But I have to.<br>Breathe  
>Without you,<br>But I have to._

And even now, a few nights on, I still feel like I can't do anything without you. I feel as if I'm suffocating, because I even feel like I can't _breathe _without you. But I know, and it's painful to admit it, that I have to, because if I don't live, I won't have any stories to tell the Harpies about.

_It's two a.m.  
>Feeling like I<br>Just lost a friend.  
>Hope you know<br>It's not easy,  
>Easy for me.<em>

_It's two a.m.  
>Feeling like I<br>Just lost a friend.  
>Hope you know<br>This ain't easy,  
>Easy for me.<em>

Now it's two in the morning, and I'm wide awake. I can't sleep. I feel like I've lost a friend, but I've lost a lot more than that. I've lost my one and only best friend, the only girl I've ever loved and will only love, the other half of my soul that isn't my daemon. And I hope that you know this isn't easy for me, because surely you're going through the same things as me.

_And we know  
>It's never simple,<br>Never easy.  
>Never a clean break,<br>No one here to save me.  
>Oh...<em>

And we've both had first hand experience that separations are never simple, and they're never easy. They're never a clean break, and there's no one to save us from the heartbreak and the pain.

_I can't  
>Breathe<br>Without you,  
>But I have to.<br>Breathe  
>Without you,<br>But I have to._

_Breathe  
>Without you,<br>But I have to._

_Oooooohhhhh..._

And I know for the rest of my life, as long as I'm alive, I'll never be able to properly breathe without you, but I know that I have to, and I also know that I have to live the rest of my life without you too, and knowing that is just as painful as separating.

_I'm sorry.  
>I'm sorry.<br>I'm sorry.  
>I'm sorry.<br>I'm sorry.  
>I'm sorry.<br>I'm sorry._

When that window closed, I couldn't help feeling sorry, even though I know it's not my fault. And even though I know that, I still have to say it, even though you won't hear it; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had to leave you, I'm sorry that that window had to close, I'm sorry that I didn't realise I loved you until the last moment, I'm sorry we didn't have enough time together, I'm sorry I won't be able to grow up with you.

I'm sorry for everything.


End file.
